Suicide no. 63: The Suicide King

Suicide no. 63: The Suicide King

–by Derek Alan Wilkinson


Sometimes, when someone changes

you change with them: for better or for worse.


We change and we fade, and/or we grow.


And sometimes, when someone dies,

a part of you dies with them, yet

another, altogether different, part of you remains.


And sometimes, when people change,

you change with them.  Or you stay the same.

Or both.


And when those around you cast their shadows

and they disappear, and/or reappear,

you do the same.


That’s when you find yourself both dying and living:

based on the lives of those around you, who consume your time like fire

does wood and leaves in embers.


Whether people notice you or not:

To live, and to interact, you become the king and shepherd

of everything both living and dying around you.


Only because you can’t live for them, nor they for you.

They are them, and you are you.

And you both live and die with them.


2 thoughts on “Suicide no. 63: The Suicide King

  1. Depressing for sure. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of being heavily influenced by the people around you, for better or for worse. For instance, I couldn’t have gotten to where I am now without my grandma, and I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s gone. What was your inspiration?

    This didn’t seem like a typical “Suicide”…who was supposed to kill themselves? (Sorry, I’m sensing a pattern here…I can never quite figure out who killed who on my first read.)

    1. I’ve been influenced by a number of people. One was my ninth grade English teacher. Here I was failing every class, and, when I walked into her lecture room to retake English, she said, “Oh, no. You should be in an honors class. You’re too smart for this.” Even though I’d practically flunked out of school that year, she saw potential in me, and even talked another teacher into letting me take AP English that year. She also gave me some books to read for the summer.

      There have been a number of people over the years; I’d be selling someone short if I tried to list them all. But I think it’s not only good to take inspiration from whoever is generous enough to offer it, but to also be willing to take an interest in the people around you and give them support.

      I’ve been a self-absorbed ass of a person most of my life. It’s a bad habit I’m trying to leave behind.

      As for the point of the story–I think we all kill parts of ourselves, slowly and in small ways, by exchanging our lives with those of other people. Of course, we’d be killing an altogether different part of ourselves if we DIDN’T do this.

      I’m just pointing at this pattern, and going: “See! Look what happens when you don’t call your mother!” (lol)

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